I Wanted to Be a Lawyer
From the earliest I could remember, I wanted to be a lawyer. Strange, right? Most kids want to be an astronaut or fireman. But I was like ‘nah,’ I want to do clerical work and fill out legal briefings all day. I had a natural inclination for debate, analysis, and thinking outside the box. But just like any personality trait, a blessing can also be a curse.
Without love, and grace, and compassion, I could sometimes be mean without even knowing it. I could be “all about the facts.” not realizing my words could hurt people.
Through time, I’ve realized it’s not just about what you say, but also how you say it. In a marriage or dating relationship, I’ve realized the mentality of needing to win is poison. It can destroy any relationship.
Trash Your Need to Win
That’s why Alyssa and I both committed to throwing the “I need to win” attitude in the trash. Why? Because a relationship isn’t about winning—it’s above loving and growing. It’s about two different people with different dreams, and hopes, and plans, and personality quirks, coming together to make one new person. One new image of God.
For us, we’ve committed to compromising. And not compromising to appease the other person, but compromising to love the other person. In fact, we don’t even really like to call it compromising. In reality, it’s just serving. Learning to serve your significant other out of love.
Learn How To Compromise
For example, I hate making the bed. I think it’s the worst thing ever. It’s so unnecessary, because it’s just going to get messed up again when you go to sleep.
But guess what? Alyssa loves the bed being made every day. To her, it’s a great way to start the day and make things feel fresh and orderly. To her, a day where the bed isn’t made is a day that starts off on the wrong foot.
So long ago, I compromised. I said forget my preferences. I want to serve my wife, and this is a way of doing that. The beautiful thing is that act of service then warmed Alyssa’s heart and spurred her on to serve me back.
That’s the secret that sin never tells you about obedience and grace. Service is contagious and creates a beautiful cycle. And usually it starts with compromising. Agree as a couple today to compromise on some stuff and be sensitive to what that might be for each other, because “bending is better than breaking.”
Reposted with permission. Read the original article here.
Jeff and Alyssa write books, make videos, and create stuff online. It’s usually about Jesus, relationships, faith, or family (and sometimes coffee, because of course right?). Sometimes we do stuff individually, and sometimes we do stuff together.
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