A common issue for many couples that results in frustration and disharmony is missing the beat with your sex drive. One wants it more than the other creating a sense of rejection and loneliness every time a pass is batted away. Then you have the other person who wants it less and now feels like its a chore or marital duty.
Reality is that you will rarely be on the same level, so how do you keep this sensitive issue from ruining other areas of your relationship? Here are some things to keep in mind so that your different sex drives dont wreak havoc on your marriage.
Ask For What You Want Instead of Complaining About What You Don’t Have
We cannot stress this enough. Tell your spouse how you like to be touched and what turns you on. They are not mind readers. Be specific and explicit.
Do not sit there silently or verbally protesting about the problems. Rather, communicate early and often.
Quality Over Quantity Is Most Important
Some couples are content with having sex once a week. Others prefer 3-5 times per week. What matters is that youre both enjoying it and connecting on a deeper level. Quality is the key when it comes to sex!
Try things like making eye contact. Affirm each other on their looks. Spend time snuggling afterwards.
Don’t Base Your Marriage Only On Sex
Sex is just one ingredient towards intimacy. Just because you are not doing it like bunnies, doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.
Cultivate a spirit of fondness, compassion, tenderness, respect and a solid friendship to go the distance.
Connect Emotionally, Not Just Physically
If you’re having a hard time building physical intimacy, be sure to find ways to improve your emotional intimacy.
Go on date nights, take frequent walks, ask open ended questions, stay curious about each other.
Stop Making Excuses
We make time for the things that matter most in life. If you’re not in the mood because you’re too tired, then start saying no to things so you can have enough energy for your sex life. Show your spouse you care by making the time to be intimate.
Examine Your Sexual Baggage
Perhaps your parents shamed you by telling you sex was bad and harmful, then you get married. Somehow all the scripting over the years is supposed to vanish in one magical wedding night. These challenges can be tough to overcome.
Talk openly with each other about your views of sex before you got married. If there was severe emotional trauma related to abuse or addictions, seek out a trained counselor to walk through these sensitive issues.
Go out there and have the wildest sex of your life. Married sex is the best as we move from immature self-focused sex to mature giving and receiving of this precious gift!
Reprinted with permission. Read original article here.
Casey and Meygan Caston are the founders of Marriage365, and the authors of Naked Dinners and Communication That Connects.
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