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Last year in the US, we spent $72 billion on wedding ceremonies. While wedding days are special days, marriage is not really about the big day, it’s about the every day.

But think about it: we promise our spouse some pretty amazing things in our wedding vows: for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better for worse, till death do us part. We convince another person that they could trust us with their heart for life.

But if our spouse is really going to know kindness on a daily basis, we have to choose to be kind. If our spouse is going to know grace on a daily basis, we have to choose to give them grace. If they’re going to know thoughtfulness, laughter, intimacy, and protection, we have to choose to give them these things.

We have to practice what we promise.

The great news is that this plays itself out in really practical ways.

  • If your spouse loves gifts, buy them one.
  • If your spouse tends to like sex more often than you, have more sex.
  • If your spouse loves words of encouragement, write them a note.
  • If your spouse loves affection, be affectionate with them.
  • If your spouse wants you to spend time with them, carve out the time.

Whatever it is that speaks love to your spouse, speak it. When we love our spouse, even when they’re irrational, even when their baggage creates an unfair tension, even when they’re simply not that lovable, it is so powerful for a marriage. It is so powerful to help us to become our best us.