About our Guest
On this episode of the podcast, we’re talking about making your marriage an adventure. Whether you’re preparing to go on an adventure with your spouse or just want to make every day a little more adventurous, you’re going to enjoy this episode.
For the first time ever on the podcast, we’ve got a repeat guest—Dr. Matt Turvey, the director of Winshape Marriage. If you listen to the previous episode with Dr. Turvey, you’ll remember he mentioned number of different retreats they have at Winshape.
One of their most exciting programs is called Marriage Adventures, and for this episode Matt draws on his experience leading those adventures to tell us a little bit more about how we can create more adventures in our own marriage.
Why do you think couples stop having fun when they get married?
Life just happens. Kids happen. I love my kids, but they take a lot of work. Your schedule happens and you forget to prioritize fun. So much happens when you’re having fun with your spouse. You’ve got to be pretty intentional to make it happen.
Why do couples feel guilty about leaving their kids at home?
We want to be so connected so we sometimes think presence is connection. Sometimes you have to be more intentional in how you craft an experience with your kids or spouse. Sometimes parents focus too much on the kids and let the kids make too many decisions.
If you give your kids the ability to make the decisions for your family, it’s probably a lot of stress on the kid. Give them choices they can handle: “Do you want to go here to eat or there to eat?” Sometimes we give our kids so much power and influence in the relationship that we lose power in the relationship.
Why is it important for kids to see their parents having fun?
My wife and I have done a pretty good job of getting away when we need to. It lets our kids know that we are safe, that mom and dad are a team and we’re going to last.
What is the benefit for a couple to go on a retreat or vacation?
Getting away reminds us what’s important. You got married for a reason; you had amazing experiences in the early days when you were dating and newlyweds. Getting away sometimes helps us get a little taste again of the honeymoon. It reminds you that you’re with the right person.
Why is having fun essential to a marriage?
Relationships don’t happen in vacuums, you have to have a relationship face-to-face. Your relationship will be a mirror of how much time and effort you put into it.
Couples that spend good time together—whether that’s conversation, date nights, adventure, vacations—are building up that bank account. I can tell you from experience that when my wife and I have time away together we show up better for each other, for the kids, for the Lord.
Can you tell us about the Marriage Adventures you lead?
At Winshape Marriage, we do three main things—intensives for couples who want a breakthrough, retreats for couples who want a weekend away, and the adventures are the big experiences. They’re typically a week long and places anywhere around the world.
These adventures have an element of journey and an element of challenge. Every day is crafted intentionally around your marriage. It’s an intentional time for you and your spouse to ask questions about each other, to have conversations with each other, and have experiences together you need to have.
How have these adventures helped couples?
A lot of the curriculum around our marriage adventures go back to ancient Christian principles around spiritual direction. The job of adventures is to get couples outside in creation to ask those important questions. We talk about six core principles: a vision for your marriage, truth in your marriage, having a posture of discovery, unity, constancy, and celebration.
Who are the adventures for?
They are not for couples in crisis. If you’re in crisis and you’re hiking a mountain in the Andes, that might push you over the edge. But if you’re in transition or you want to invest in your marriage, it’s a great way to invest in your marriage. We want couples to walk away different from the experience.
What does psychological research say about adventures?
When you get outside your schedule, your body has a biological reset. You get rested, even in the midst of challenge. You get that sense of disequilibrium and you want to figure it out.
But we make it so you solve challenges together. When you’re in ‘the flow’, it’s kind of like a runners’ high. Imagine being in ‘the zone’ with your spouse. It helps you remember things better.
Your one simple thing this week:
When it comes to adventure, couples can just do it. Be intentional about being adventurous with your spouse even in daily things.
Thanks for joining us for the Married People Podcast. We hope you’ll subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and leave a review—they help us make the podcast better.