This is one of the more difficult, but important conversations we’ve had on this podcast. We had a lot of discussions leading up to this episode because we all have our own opinions on this topic.
Unfortunately, nearly everyone has been impacted by unfaithfulness in marriage—whether our own, someone close to us, or a someone we look up to. Unfaithfulness is a big topic, which is why we wanted to discuss it on the podcast.
Given the right situation, infidelity is possible for anyone.
So, the question we’re wrestling with today is do guardrails and boundaries help to prevent affairs? Is that even possible?
Afton: I don’t think they do. In my marriage, I wake up every day and choose Hudson.
CJ: If there’s even a 5% chance that some boundaries would help, why wouldn’t you?
Ted: I had a professor in seminary who said that given the right situation, infidelity is possible for anyone. I thought that was ridiculous and told him so. He said that was the exact attitude that could allow an affair to happen in the future.
1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”
- Affairs don’t start big; they start with the first little red flag. Run from the first little red flag.
- You can’t affair-proof a marriage, but you can have guardrails and boundaries to help.
- Our time with our spouse is important. But so is what we do during the time that we’re not with our spouse.
- You have to choose what boundaries will help protect your marriage and will build trust.
- Be aware of where you are, who you are with. If you feel a red flag, remove yourself.
- Not having meals or riding in the car with the opposite gender
- Give your spouse access to your accounts—email, Facebook, etc.
- Here are some examples of red flags that you should watch out for:
- You find yourself excited to see this person.
- You talk about personal things more than you talk about work.
- You tell them something your spouse wouldn’t want you to.
- You say something even remotely negative about your spouse.
- You find them increasingly attractive.
- You go to lunch to talk business, but you never talk about business.
When I am NOT with my spouse, I need to make sure my marriage is protected and connected.
One Simple Thing
Ask yourself: When I’m not with my spouse…
- What is one way I can protect my marriage?
- What is one way I can stay connected?
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