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This episode, we’re talking about how to choose battles in our marriages. When two people are living together under the same roof, inevitably there will inevitably be some disagreements and conflicts. But you can’t confront every single battle.

What was the last battle you fought for in your marriage?

  • Afton: Making the bed this morning. I should probably cut the tags off our quilt, but whenever Hudson makes the bed, those tags are right by my face. So we have to turn the quilt around to the right way.
  • CJ: We’re navigating a family vacation with Teri’s family right now. We have a newborn at home and Teri is a peacemaker. She’s trying to make peace with her whole family. We want to go, but have to figure out what’s best for us, too.
  • Ted: Nancie is sensitive and I would often hurt her with my approach to communication.


We have to be slow and we have be smart.

  • Proverbs 12:8 says, “Careless words stab like a sword, but wise words lead to healing.”
  • Choose a time of day that’s best to talk.
  • Sometimes you have to put it on the back burner and come back later when you’re able to focus on the conversation without getting upset.
  • Focus on the what, not the who.
  • Remember when to H.A.L.T. If you’re: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, don’t try to argue.

Bottom Line

My spouse needs to know he/she is more important than what we are talking about.

Based on what I know about myself and my spouse, how do I choose my approach in my marriage? 

One Simple Thing

Take your latest conflict. Run it through this filter

  1. What was your approach?
  2. Where were you careless with your words?
  3. What did you say that hurt your spouse?
  4. What words do you now regret?
  5. What would have been the wiser way to approach your spouse?
  6. How could you have said it with more care?

Show Closing

Thanks for joining us for the Married People Podcast. We hope you’ll subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and leave a review—they help us make the podcast better.

Today’s podcast was sponsored by the new MarriedPeople Membership—an affordable, monthly subscription that gives married couples a ton of great resources like date night guides, videos, ebooks, messages, podcasts, and other great tools from leading marriage. We are so excited about this resource. You can even give it as an anniversary gift to your spouse, or another couple whose marriage you want to pour into.

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