Questions to Ask
- What will be the best way for me to let you know I appreciate all you are doing as a new parent?
- How do we plan to handle intimacy once the baby arrives?
- Who would be willing to help us if we simply ask?
- What is something specific we can ask them to do?
- Fill in the blanks:
Time for You: __________________.
Time for Me: __________________.
Time for US: __________________.
Today we’re continuing a conversation about preparing your marriage for a baby. If you missed part 1, go back and listen to that for more context. This week we’re continuing the clarifying questions that you and your spouse can ask as you get ready for first baby.
What are the best ways to show you spouse appreciation for what they’re doing as a new parent?
Often times, we revert to scorekeeping in hectic times—including when we have a new baby. Scorekeeping in marriage usually leads to unwanted and unneeded competition. Asking how you can show your spouse appreciation helps to level the playing field. Remember that you’re both on the same team.
How do you plan to handle intimacy once the baby arrives?
Once baby is here, exhaustion and stress can kill the intimacy. So you need to talk about what the season looks like.
Men, you will need to be more understanding in this area than ever before. Don’t be afraid to schedule sex for when you’re not so exhausted.
Who will be willing to help you if you ask?
Who are the people in your community? Let your parents or in-laws help as much as possible. Let friends bring you food or keep your kid while you go on dates.
Taking time to rest and restore makes you a better parent and spouse! It’s especially important to have people around who have kids and can be there to encourage you. You may also want to talk about the people you’ll need to have boundaries with as well.
How can you use a schedule to plan out your time?
Plan out what your days will look like, what the week will look like. Schedule time for your marriage. It will look way different, but how can you continue to pour into your marriage during this time?
There are three questions that can help with this:
- What’s the time for you?
- What’s the time for me?
- What’s the time for our US?
These times can be short. Maybe mom just wants a few minutes for a bath. Or dad needs 30 minutes to watch ESPN. But these things make a big impact. And it’s so important to find time the two of you can be an US again. People can get so disconnected and it all becomes about the baby.
Having a baby is so full of challenges, but don’t miss time with the baby and each other. Take the time to stare at baby and laugh at the faces and stinky diapers. Be extra present when the baby is content and just be a family. You will sleep again, promise.
Your one simple thing for this week
Sit down with your spouse and ask each other these questions. Or share them with another couple you know who is expecting a child.
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