We’re back together after a little break and ready to get back to more Married People episodes!
It is a challenge to get away just the two of you, but it’s important. Couples often walk into vacations fighting and bickering. So what’s going on there?
For some couples, it’s a litmus test of where they are and how they communicate.
One vacation rule that we love is to not talk about your issues. Take a vacation from talking about the things that you’re fighting about. Something happens when you have space to breath and you’re not just running around like roommates.
Connection leads to words, words don’t necessarily lead to connection. Typically, men tend to connect better when they don’t have to look you in the eye—when they’re driving down the road, riding a bike.
A few tensions
1. We can’t go without the kids
For couples with kids (or dogs), they feel like they can’t go on vacation without the kids—they feel selfish or that the kids will feel left out.
- Afton: For us, it’s a balance. We try to do a family trip and a couple’s trip so he will see that getting away with your spouse is important.
- Ted: I think it’s good for the kids, but also we would come back as better parents just from getting out of the storm for a bit.
- CJ: We’re trying to get pregnant and we haven’t been on a vacation since we started trying. We always have a hard time booking in advance because what if she’s pregnant then or we need to go in for a treatment? It’s easy to always have an excuse!
2. We can’t afford a vacation.
This is one of those things where couples have to get creative and vacation differently. It’s Afton getting away to her parents’ house for free for some time off. Or a nearby Airbnb to get out of town.
Ted also loves staycations in our house. We talk a lot about being our best “US”, and every couple is really different. At the end of the day you have to get together and find what recharges you!
3. We feel like we can’t take time off work.
51% of U.S. employees have paid vacation they don’t take. Many of them feel like they can’t afford to take the time away from work. There’s guilt in our country about always being connected.
- Afton: For me, it has to do with ego. It’s thinking that if I leave, it will fall apart. That’s not true!
- CJ: It’s a little bit of that, but it’s not wanting to let people down, and also not wanting more work when I get back.
- Ted: Once we’ve drawn the line in the sand that we’re on vacation, we’ve gotten good at it.
4. We’re just too busy right now
One of the things that we have found is that if you put a reward at the end of a busy season it can help you be more productive.
Time away isn’t ‘extra’, it’s essential.
Your one simple thing for this week:
We’re going to break our rules on this just a little—because we’re giving you a few simple things to follow when on vacation.
We’d would encourage people to think through their vacation before, during the vacation and then after.
- As much as possible, don’t work on vacation. Plan ahead, put up your out of office and unplug
- Don’t talk about your issues on vacation
- Be present and be positive
- Stay off social media as much as possible
- Plan your next vacation
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