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Show Notes

It comes as no surprise that Americans vacation too little, sleep too little and work too much. Not to mention that married people are working even more hours than single people are! Is it too much to ask for a great marriage AND a great career? Join us as we talk with Carey Nieuwhof about this topic!

Ted: I got the privilege of sitting down with Carey Nieuwhof. Carey is one of the most productive guys I know and he also has one of the best marriages I know.  But as he shared with me, he and his wife Toni didn’t always have a great marriage and he says that was because he was so focused on work. Here’s a little about Carey:

Carey Nieuwhof is the lead and founding pastor of Connexus Community Church in Toronto. In addition to pastoring Connexus, blogging, and writing, Carey often speaks to leaders across North America about families and about leadership. Carey is co-author with Reggie Joiner of Parenting Beyond Your Capacity and Lasting Impact.

Interview with Carey:

Carey: One of the real temptations for ambitious/driven people is that you marry your work. I was definitely in that camp for a number of years, and I love what I do!

Toni and I hit a rough point and she felt that we might not make it. I wondered how we were going to make it. She suggested I go to a counselor, but I didn’t feel I needed to go. I don’t go to counselors, I send people to counselors!

I went in with a long list of things wrong with Toni, came out with a long list of things wrong with me. We each started to get better, and our marriage got better. If you’re obedient, your emotions catch up to your obedience.

Some transferrable truths about marriage:

  • You’re probably tempted to quit moments before your critical breakthrough
  • Whenever you say “you always” and “you never” – you are in bad territory
  • If your wife says you need counseling, you need counseling
  • If you go to counseling, find a good Christian counselor
  • Marriage is an investment – but divorce is expensive!

How do 9-5’ers manage their energy instead of just their time?

  • Sleep more!
  • Manage your ‘no’s and ‘yes’s really carefully
  • Eat better
  • Shut notifications off your phone/turn on ‘do not disturb’
  • Busy seasons must have a beginning and an end
  • Set rules for your calendar (i.e. no meetings on Monday/Wednesday, etc.)
  • Never put your identity in something that can be taken from you. Your identity is in Christ

Your one simple thing for this week: Have a meal with your spouse every night this week

CJ: For me, it’s important to remember that these things are ideals and not perfect solutions. Personally, I can’t guarantee that I won’t have meetings on Mondays or Wednesdays. But I can shoot for that and I’ll get closer by having it on my calendar.

And if we shoot for the one simple thing this week, it’s 3.5 hours of quality time with your spouse!

Thanks for joining us for the Married People Podcast! We hope today’s episode helped you realize that marriage is a little easier than you may think. We hope you’ll subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and leave a review – they help us make the podcast better.

If you want more resources, check out Your Best Us and our blog at MarriedPeople.org.  You can find more from Carey Nieuwhof at careynieuwhof.com. Finally – we hope you’ll join us next week when we talk to Dr. Jim Burns about the question “Can I really see my spouse in a more positive way?”