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We all bring expectations into our marriage—whether it be things you DO want from your spouse or things you DON’T want—often based on what your family traditions were.
Here are some of our examples:
- Afton: My dad completely spoils my mom. He gets gas in her car, she decides where to go for dinner and makes a lot of those decisions. So that’s what I expected someone to do for me.
- CJ: Teri’s family is much calmer about things like birthdays and celebrations. My family gets together and celebrates everything.
- Ted: Nancie and I saw money differently. I had a sporadic relationship with money and Nancie was slower to make purchases.
The Tension: Misaligned expectations can lead to conflict
There are 5 types of expectations we bring into marriage:
- Undefined expectations
- Unrealistic expectations
- Unspoken expectations
- Unrealized expectations
- Unaware expectations
Truth: Shifting from expectations to desires can lead to connection
- Expectations are a demand
- Desires are a request
- Expectations come without gratitude
- Desires come with gratitude
Shifting from expectations to desire means we are clear about our desires, communicate them and show gratitude when they’re met!
Your one simple thing for this week: Think of one great thing that your spouse does for you and simply thank them for it!
- Afton: Hudson takes out the trash, which I appreciate because it’s such a gross job.
- CJ: Teri keeps our social calendar. Without her I might not leave the house!
- Ted: Nancie handles paying our bills – which I need to thank her for more, and work to understand where we are!
Thanks for joining us for the Married People Podcast! We hope today’s episode helped you realize that marriage is a little easier than you may think. We hope you’ll subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and leave a review – they help us make the podcast better.
If you want more resources, check out Your Best Us and our blog at MarriedPeople.org. We hope you’ll join us next week!
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