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by Casey and Meygan Caston

Most of the questions we get from couples are about being stuck in a sexual rut. For years, we didn’’t talk about it because no one taught us how to have a healthy conversation about our sex life.

That all changed when we discovered the post-sex wrap-up. Some dear friends mentioned that this transformed their sex life and gave them the insights needed to love their spouse in the specific ways they wanted to be loved. This post-game pillow talk focuses on what they like, didn’’t like, what position feels good, fantasies, and affirming each other. This is a time for no judgments. The goal is to build their love life. We use this all the time and it works!

Your turn—we want you to try this out. Set some ground rules and restate your goals to boost your love life and to learn more about each other. Set aside at least 30 minutes to listen to the heart of your spouse.  Here’s some questions you can use to kick start the conversation.

  • What about our sex life makes you excited and anticipate the next time?
  • Are you comfortable discussing our sexual likes and dislikes? Why or why not?
  • What kind of physical touch best says, ““I love you”?”
  • Who do we know that has the kind of marriage that we want?
  • How affectionate would you like to be with me?
  • What are your turn-offs?
  • How will we let each other know what we want sexually?
  • What need of yours have I not been able to satisfy?
  • How can we make our sex life better? Get creative.
  • What are your deepest desires, hopes and dreams?

After you’’ve gone through this list, let your spouse’s answers marinate for awhile. Really listen to what they shared. Validate them and their feelings because this doesn’’t come natural for many people.