I was at a funeral recently and overheard a grieving and adoring son say something that has since inspired me to be more intentional with what really matters.
The son was standing before a wall of flower arrangements and repeated something his mother used to say. He said, “My mom taught me an important life lesson: bring flowers to the living.”
Get it? Because what good are flowers to a dead person? Bring flowers to your marriage before it’s dead, metaphorically speaking.
We can do this by focusing on five simple actions that could save your marriage before it’s lost.
1. Talk to your spouse like an important client
I spend a lot of time in a local coffee shop surrounded by business owners wooing potential clients. They talk to their guests with kindness. They listen attentively. And they give their guests the benefit of the doubt when the conversation risks going sideways.
Why? Because the person the business owners is meeting with represents a potential sale. So they’re worthy of kindness, attentiveness, and the benefit of the doubt. But are clients more important to us than our spouse?
Bring flowers to your spouse by talking with them as if you don’t want to lose their business. Treat them like a businessman’s most important client.
2. Guard your eyes like a pastor at the gym
I love working out at the gym. And so do a lot of beautiful women. So it’s important for me, as a happily married Christian man, to guard my eyes and make sure that I’m always above reproach in how I observe and interact with women at the gym.
On top of all of that, I’m also a well-known pastor in the community. I literally can’t go to the gym without running into someone I know from church. This is great because it holds me to an even higher level of accountability.
If you want to save your marriage before it’s lost, don’t lust! Guard your eyes and your heart. Bring flowers to your spouse by interacting with members of the opposite sex as if you’re a pastor who doesn’t want to lose his credibility and congregation by being a lustful creep.
3. Exercise like you’re recently divorced
Speaking of working out, I regularly encounter men and women at the gym with whom I have some version of the following conversation:
Me: “Hey, did you just start working out here?”
Them: “Yes, I’m going through a divorce. So I figured I should get back in the gym since I’ll be back on the market.”
I’m not lying. This is a real thing.
How about this instead? How about you care about how you look to your current spouse more than for a hypothetical future spouse? How many marriages would be saved if spouses invested into making it easier for their current spouse to love them?
Bring flowers to your spouse by taking care of yourself and looking good for the one you love.
4. Make your marriage the primary relationship this side of Heaven
Can we admit that there’s no relationship more important than our relationship with God? OK.
Now that that’s settled, put your spouse at the center of your relationship universe. When this relationship is right, every other relationship fits in its proper place in the universe.
Your primary relationship shouldn’t be with your kids, or your career, or your parents. It should be your spouse. Otherwise, your marriage relationship will be in jeopardy of drifting out of orbit and disappearing into a vast darkness.
Bring flowers to your spouse by being committed to him or her before all others.
5. Make out like high school sweethearts
Do you remember really desiring your spouse? Unless you kissed dating goodbye, you can probably relate to discovering the holy cravings God instilled in us, These cravings are released when we’re with someone we truly long for and love.
The desire one has for one’s girlfriend or boyfriend before marriage is a very real thing and is evidence of how much God wants our marriages to survive. God made me to want my wife because He wanted us to be connected for the rest of our lives.
So, it’s important that my wife and I keep fanning the flames of the passion we have for each other.
We do this by dating on a regular basis, having sex at least two times a week, and often making out like high school sweethearts. Which is a lot more fun on this side of the marriage covenant! Bring flowers to your spouse by showing you still want them.
