Beth and I got married at the ripe age of 20 while we were both college students. Full of optimism and dreams for the future, we were totally sure we’d easily have a happy and fulfilling marriage. It makes us laugh (and cringe a little) to think about naive we were, and all that we had to learn over the next 24 years.
As you can imagine, it didn’t take long for problems to arise in our relationship. We just couldn’t fathom how we could be dealing with so much turbulence when our dating life was so rich and fun. There’s always friction when you put two personalities with different perspectives, backgrounds, and interests together. We quickly felt disappointed, anxious and resentful.
We simply didn’t understand ourselves, let alone each other, so we spent the next few years hitting the same relational walls over and over again.
By our fourth year of marriage, we were completely frustrated, ashamed, and desperate. As long-time Christians, we knew the Gospel story in our heads, but we weren’t experiencing the freedom and fullness we knew we already had in Christ.
Our Enneagram Transformation
Enter the Enneagram! We first approached it not as a pastor and coach, but as a husband and wife who desperately needed it. In fact, Beth studied the Enneagram for five years before I ever started investigating it for myself. Let that be an encouragement to all you with spouses who aren’t on board the Enneagram train yet.
Once we both fully invested ourselves in the Enneagram, we gained so much clarity, not only about our own personalities (Beth is a Type 9, I’m a Type 6), but also about how our Core Motivations impact our relationship dynamics. We finally had a tool to reveal what was going on inside ourselves, and we began to understand one another on a much deeper level.
Everything made more sense, which allowed our hearts to rest. As we used the Enneagram to grow in understanding and compassion for one another, and our marriage transformed.
Beth and I founded Your Enneagram Coach with the mission of helping people see themselves with clarity, so they can break free from self-condemnation, fear, and shame. God has blessed our ministry beyond what we could have imagined, and we’ve been so humbled watching it grow over the last few years.
Our Heart for Marriage
Though our relationship isn’t perfect today, we’ve learned how to avoid the ruts we kept hitting in the early days. We’ve learned how to extend more kindness, forgiveness and grace for one another. That’s why we’re investing this season of our lives into showing you how to apply a Gospel-Centered Enneagram in your marriage.
Beth and I are teaming up to show husbands and wives how to grow into the couple God designed them to be. In other words, we’re sharing all the Gospel and Enneagram knowledge we wish we had 20 years ago. We’ll look at the relational dynamics, or as we like to call it, “the dance,” of all 45 Enneagram Type couple combinations, and how to align it with the truth of the Gospel.
Our heart is to show couples in every season and of all personalities how to better communicate, resolve conflict, and support one another, transforming their marriage into the relationship of their dreams. We’re carrying out this mission in multiple ways, and we want you to be part of it.
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- Join us for an Enneagram Date Night: This summer, Beth and I will be hosting Becoming Us Live: The Enneagram, The Gospel & Your Marriage around the country for couples who want to use a Gospel-centered Enneagram to understand each other better. You can get all the details and purchase tickets here.
- Pre-order our Marriage Book: We’re excited, humbled, and a little nervous to be launching our very first book, Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving Gospel-Centered Marriage. Not only does in include our marriage story, but it’s written to serve as an instruction manual for your spouse. It would mean the world to us if you would be part of our mission to impact marriages by spreading the word as it releases on October 1. You can preorder your copy here.
- Take a Marriage Course Just For Your Types: We’re developing 45 different marriage coaching courses so each couple type combination will have its own specific curriculum. (Whoa!) The courses will launch this summer, so stay tuned.
- Invest in Your Marriage with a Becoming Us Retreat: Beth and I are hosting an intimate 3-day retreat in November. Our goal for the retreat is to pour into you and your spouse and catapult your marriage to the next level. We really hope you’ll join us for this special experience.
If you find yourself falling into the same unhealthy marital struggles year after year—or if there are dynamics and habits that you’re ready to be free of—we’re here for you. You’re ready to grow into the couple God designed you to be, and Beth and I want to walk with you every step of the way!
I’m fired up thinking about you, and all that’s possible in your relationship! God has an amazing plan and purpose for your marriage. We pray that our story and our message will lead you to understanding, hope, and freedom, as an individual and in your marriage.
As you grow, we can’t wait to see the ripple effect your legacy has on your family, circle of influence, and the kingdom of God.
Reposted with permission. Read the original article here.
