MarriedPeople Couples

There’s a great question in Jim Carey’s version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, when Cindy Lou Who invites the Grinch to be the Holiday Cheermeister. In confusion he responds with “Holiday, Hoobie, Whatty?” Believe it or not, this time of year “Holiday, Hoobie, Whatty?” pops up often in my conversations with Nancie.

Example One:
Nancie: “Ted did you pick up that gift for your Dad?”
Ted: “Oops.”
Nancie: “Holiday, Hoobie, Whatty?”

Example Two:
When we go to have Christmas with extended family, a passive-aggressive zinger flies across the room from a certain loved one. I lean over and whisper to Nancie, “Holiday, Hoobie, Whatty?”

Example Three:
Our kids get really loud and I grab their attention with a loud whistle followed by, “Holiday, Hoobie, Whatty? You guys need to turn it down a notch.”

You may be thinking, “What the Holiday, Hoobie, Whatty is Ted talking about? The reason I’m telling you this is that asking “Holiday, Hoobie, Whatty?” is a great thing for our marriage. There is actually a scientific label for the way we use it: repair attempt. The term repair attempt comes from Dr. John Gottman, known as “the marriage research man” in both secular and Christian circles. He says happy couples have learned to exit an argument or repair stressful situations before things get out of control. You know those times when insignificant things lead to significantly stupid discussions and reactions that strain your relationship. Our break, our repair attempt during the holidays is “Holiday, Hoobie, Whatty?”

Example One: Nancie’s response to me forgetting to purchase the gift is “Holiday, Hoobie, Whatty?” instead of a roll of her eyes and a “That’s just great. I ask you to do one thing and you forget.” (Ladies, in case you’re wondering, yes I will get my Dad’s gift.)

Example Two: I respond to my loved one’s passive aggressive zinger by whispering to Nancie, “Holiday, Hoobie, Whatty?”, instead of waiting till Nancie and I are alone and launching into a tirade starting with “I can’t believe she always does that. It makes me not want to even come here.”

Example Three: The kids get really loud and I respond with “Holiday, Hoobie, Whatty?”, instead of me trumping their volume with “If you guys don’t knock it off, I am going to give you something to be loud about!” (I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds scary, uh?)

Bottom line: Happy couples know how to be, well, happy. And it is scientifically proven that happy couples have a few words ready to go whenever their discussion is going to a bad place. Some use humor, some simply say things like: “I understand you are upset.” “I need a few minutes.” Or, “Let’s not forget we are on the same team.” But for us, humor is almost always the way to go.

So this year, why don’t you and your spouse go in together and get each other the gift of a repair attempt? Grab five minutes tonight and come up with your own repair attempt. Or in the name of time, you can rip off ours that we stole from the Grinch, “Holiday Hoobie, Whatty?”

What’s your version of “Holiday Hoobie, Whatty?”