My experience working with couples buried in the rubble of a broken covenant due to an affair and my work with them as they try to dig out and rebuild a marriage has taught me some of the keys to surviving an affair. If you’re in this same situation, you can survive. I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count.
Statistically speaking, married people in the U.S. expect their marriage to do a lot for them individually. We believe marriage should meet most of our relational needs. However, this perspective is a huge problem.
It can come as a complete shock to learn that your spouse is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Your first reaction will probably be to wonder why she didn’t tell you about it a long time ago. But what you need to understand is how personal, private, and petrifying this secret is to a survivor.
It happened to us, and it may have happened to you. I know that it hurts, but please hear this: you do not have to hurt alone. Your marriage will make it through the pain of this miscarriage. Your spouse is with you. It is imperative that you recognize the weight and necessity of choosing to have naked conversations through this messy circumstance.
For obvious reasons, pretty much every single one of us struggles in how to best communicate and resolve conflict. This plays out in marriage, friendships, work relationships, community, and parenting.
Literally speaking, I live with a handyman. So things do get fixed more than they used to. And living with my best friend has been of the most meaningful gifts I’ve known. But there are just some things he can’t, and our marriage can’t, fix.